My pet peeves 1

Life is such fun. It really is. But there are those terrible little niggly things that just make you say "ugggh"!!!!! Aren't there? Those seemingly unimportant yet huge things that just send you into a tail spin and your blood pressure shoots up. If you are one of those people who read self help manuals and want to tell me, "no EJ, you must not bother about those little things, there is more to life than honking combi drivers. Be calm. Breathe in...." You are one of my pet peeves! Yes, you really are. Every human being should get riled up by some tiny thing. Mosquitoes rile you. Hands up if you don't get up as soon as you hear that little zzzzing...zzzing round and round your head, down the other end of the room, Zzzing close to your leg! See what I mean?
Getting riled up is a sign that you are still alive and well. That you still have a heart in there and it can pump faster than it should. So there. Admit it, we all have pet peeves. Here are my top ones, for today. There are dozens more where these came from.
1. People who read too many self help manuals and even sound like one. Live your life. There is no manual for EVERYTHING. If God wanted us to have manuals she would have ensured we are all born clutching one.
2. Dirty toilets. Especially on long haul flights. Or in public places. You wait in that long line to get into a loo, your bladder is bursting. One opens up, but it just had to be the dirty one! You just have to be the person faced with this empty but dirty loo. You give the dude/woman who just walked out your dirtiest look. But she says, oh, sorry, I found it like that. I just did my thing standing up. Yeah right....
3. The wobbly trolley. All I want is to do my grocery shopping. I get the trolley. It just has to be the one with wobbly wheels. I only discover this when it's half full, and I am way down the supermarket. Too late to go back and get a good one - especially in those hypermarkets where the trolleys are kept outside. Why oh why!
4. Hair dressers with no hair. It might appear fashionable, but surely the whole point of being a hairdresser is to show us how to dress our hair. Yours included. How are we to know if you do indeed know how to dress hair if you yourself have none?
5. Manicurists with dirty nails and chipped nail varnish. Same as the hair dresser. Does the word "role model" exist in your vocab? If I am to entrust my nails to you I must be assured that they are in safe.....hands, no?
6. Men in (white) socks and sandals. This seems to be a Zimbabwean men's specialty. I know it came with Rhodesia, but now that "Zimbabwe will never be a colony again", to quote the War-vets, should this sloppy dressing be continued? If you are hot, then show us you are hot by wearing sandals. You can't be hot and cold. Sweet and sour is only for Chinese food honey.
7. Loud men. So crass. So unattractive. Especially in public places e.g. restaurants. Or on your mobile phone. Nobody wants to know that you have "yaaah, that five thousand rands in the headboard drawer on the left. Yes, take that one. Eehh, give it to Mai Senzeni, pulazi (pluus), the other 10 thou in the wardrobe. Yes...haaa very very good!" Ditto the loud man in office meetings, workshops. If you can't impress us by the sheer depth of your ideas, don't shout. Volume isn't intellect.
8. I do so dislike text messaging language. This one just drives me up the wall. There is now something called Predictive text. On a good phone, (please buy Sony Ericsson, it finishes spelling the words for you!), predictive text will save you from repetitive strain syndrome. Why send me such a message, "Luv u. Lts go awt 2mo". If you can expend your energy typing the word AWT, why not just type OUT, like a normal civilised human being. LUV? It just doesn't cut it for me. Either you LOVE me, or please just don't say it like that. It takes away the sweetness. And my peeve has nothing to do with age. I can't stand teens or adults who send me such messages or who send them to each other. Oh and in case you didn't know, once you use certain words repetitively - in whatever language, on your beautiful Sony Ericsson, it will get saved on your phone memory. Voila, you can spell KWAKANAKA in full!
9. People who call someone their half brother, half sister, step-daughter.... I know it comes from some Western cultures, but when darkies say it, eek, it just becomes something else. Either they are your sister or your brother. Full stop. If you didn't want to marry their parent, knowing they already had a child then why did you bother? Who do you want to know that that child is not yours but your hubby/wife's etc? What value does that add to anything? Does that mean you love them half? Or hey are a step removed from you then? Half and half is only for American milk methinks. Not humans.
10. Reply All. The reply function is always earlier/closer than Reply all on most computers. Why reply All, particularly when you don't know the ALL? Does everyone really need to know that, "Alice, I haven't seen you for a while girl. I met your son who looks fab". This in response to a group email telling everyone about the forthcoming African Union Summit. Really my dear.
11. Bankless banking. I love technology. But there is a limit. I want to see my banker at least once a month. I want to shake her hand. I want to be assured that she is a good egg, who will not run away with my small savings. I don't want to talk to the faceless call center worker in Bangalore, when I call my bank in Sandton.
12. Uninformed shop-keepers. It doesn't matter that we now politely call them shop assistants/sales consultants/merchandising technicians. They are still shopkeepers. Why keep shop when you don't know what is in the shop or what isn't? I particularly can't stand the ones in record shops who tell me they have never heard of Gregory Isaacs. Or the ones in book shops who have do not know that Barbara Kingsolver has a new book out. So what is the point of your presence in a record shop? Adding to the ambience of the place?

These are my top dozen for today. What are your pet peeves?